Recently I lost someone that I had loved very much. A student of mine that I had become very close to "lost his battle with cancer" and passed away. To sum it all up, my heart was badly wounded. We had all been praying for his healing and deliverance, but also prayed for the will of God to be accomplished in this situation, whether he lived or died, we knew that God had a plan.
When Deva passed away, nothing my husband had said could have comforted me. It hurt like hell, and to be honest, it still does at times...but my sorrow has greatly diminished. I love these children as if they had come out of my own womb, and when this one died, I felt as if I had lost my son. No, I am not a parent, but I have listened to many a heartache, and shared in many an accomplishment; prayed for, fought for and ran after enough of them to know what it feels like to not want to lose at least one.
I knew that Deva was a believer in Christ and I believed that he would be found in Heaven, he had said that he was ready to go Home...but what tore at my heart was guilt. Guilt that I felt like I could have done more for him...been more present. The day before he died, as usual, he was asking for me. I didn't go to visit him that day because I was at another hospital in another part of the country rejoicing in my nephew's BIRTH. I had planned to go the following day to visit Deva, only to receive a phone call that he had passed away. This really shook me up...if only I had gone the previous day to visit him instead...! I felt like I had disappointed him in the last few days of his life, so my grief was intensely multiplied.
While seeking answers and comfort, I was reminded of the verse "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." (Ps 116:15 KJV). I guess that did it for me. My heart is more at peace knowing that it had pleased the Lord to take him home. I don't know what the Psalmist was going through when he wrote Ps 116, but from the looks of it, he had great sorrow also...the good news is that, according to him, God delivered his "soul from death", his "eyes from tears", and his "feet from falling" (vs 8). God is well able to what He said He would do...and just as amazing as He is, He always had a plan!!
Before Deva's death, he was in regular church attendance...but he was the only one from his family that did so...now that he has passed on from this world and onto the next, his family has started to attend church and want to get baptised. Maybe that was a part of God's plan all along. We have not lost, but rather we have gained. This family is such a joy to be around, and I am happy to know them. One day, when we all get to Heaven, we will all rejoice together.
Keep looking up,
Krystal
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
